What Makes Me Angry


Warning: This entry contains some graphic descriptions.

I know of people who get really angry at the fact that their coffee isn’t made under fair trade regulations or that their clothes were made in a sweatshop in the heart of China or that somebody used the word “gay” in a derrogative manner towards someone else (who wasn’t even gay). I know of other people that get angry because the world isn’t a clean and safe place – pollution is at an all-time high; animals are being mistreated and killed for their skins, horns or flesh for food; people with guns are rampaging into schools and shooting everybody to their untimely death. I know of other people who get angry at anybody who receives money from the government because they should supposedly “just get a job”.

These are discussions that I never participate in.

It’s not because I don’t care or that I am not interested. I do admit I am not politically inclined in any way, shape or form. I had a boyfriend once get mad at me for not being interested in the current matters of the world. It’s just that I honestly see these topics as being completely irrelevant to discuss in the first place. I will not participate because I can often see other points of view that, when shared, are simply met with obnoxiousness – that’s what happens when the people discussing all-important topics are angry. There’s no room for intelligent exchanging of ideas.

But more than that, I’m the kind of person who thinks, ‘If you’re so mad – then GO and DO SOMETHING about it. Don’t sit here lashing out and spoiling my dinner.’ It’s volunteers and activists that really inspire me. But if you can’t be a volunteer or an activist, I figure that there’s no point in getting angry about it. Just accept that this world is what it is and move on.

But this is easier said than done, for many people.

Somebody asked me, but doesn’t anything make you angry? Oh yeah. I have a very quick temper that my husband sees more regularly than I’d like to admit – probably because he knows how to push my buttons. And he enjoys pushing them, believe me, because he is just as stubborn and defiant as I am. We are like dynamites together.

But to get angry at the world for the way it is? I just don’t see the point.

So I’m further asked, okay what makes you angry about the world? I don’t know the reason for why this opportunity has presented itself to me. I’m really uncomfortable about sharing something that I should be angry about. I’ve never been asked this question and I have never really cared to share because like I said, I just do not partake in politically inclined conversations. I feel that these things are personal and very individual, to an extent. We are all passionate about different causes in the world because we all have unique personalities from each other.

But I’ll tell you how I do feel: Sad and helpless.

When I think about people suffering out there in the rest of the world where wars are rampant, bombings are becoming commonplace, and rapings are dished out like free candy – this definitely makes me feel incredibly and very deeply sad… and utterly helpless. I have a very vivid mind so it is easy for me to actually see the bloodshed in my mind’s eye, and to imagine in great detail the excruciating physical pain caused to a woman by an angry soldier cowardly using his penis as his weapon of choice. This very vivid mind of mine is precisely what causes me to turn away from the news and to keep myself relatively uninformed. (In this day and age, you are never truly out of touch with the world). I don’t need to be bombarded with the images because my mind already does it for me.

So when my mind shows me the horrors of the world, I end up in exasperated tears….

At these times, I do pray. I talk to God and plead and implore Him to show me ways in which I could help, ways in which I could contribute. Unfortunately, I am not one of those brave human beings out there who can pack their bags, get on a plane and land in the middle of where it’s all happening. I can’t just go and help build huts in South America for the poor, or go and help out with injured animals in the U.S, or go and care for children in an orphanage (which is my big dream). We all have different callings in our lives and although I’d love to be able to do that – it’s not MY calling. I have to patiently understand and accept that.  It’s taken me a long time to get to this point.

There are many injustices of this world that bring me to tears and that bring me to my knees.  But I will tell you that my heart lays with the children of the world. More than anything I would love to help children in third world countries who have been abandoned and live in orphanages, as mentioned earlier; and I would particularly love to assist children to heal in half-way houses after being saved from child-trafficking. Child-trafficking is one thing that really pains my heart.

Any kind of sexual abuse towards children in any country really pains my heart. I look at my dear little child and can’t help but wonder how many children out there are so similar to her in absolute joy and innocence expressed freely on a daily basis – a child’s joy is just simply never ending and it’s a fountain of refreshment to those around her. But children out there have their trust and confidence in this world, not to mention the trust and confidence in themselves, eroded by somebody usually close to them, promising them that ‘this is special – don’t tell anybody – this is just between you and me’.

There is a large spectrum of sexual abuse. There is violent rape of a child in wartimes to the point where they can no longer walk – on one end of the spectrum; and on the other end, there is the paradigm in the beginning of its inception, being created by the media and fashion lines that like to have their model children pose sensually, with lips and legs parted. (If those kinds of poses aren’t sexual, then I definitely don’t know what kind of world we’re living in).

This entire spectrum really bothers me, frustrates me and saddens me. In my own personal life, I go to great lengths to ensure my daughter lives in a world that is as natural and child-friendly as possible. If that means I no longer choose to watch music videos on a weekend so that she is not exposed to overly sexual dancing and breasts and legs exposed like it means nothing, then so be it. That might be seen as a little bit extreme by other parents, but I never cared too much what other people thought of me and I’m not about to start now.

I will say however, that this blog entry was really difficult for me to write. I was asked what makes me angry about the world and I really felt that, unlike being angry at the use of leather in luxury cars or the fact that Muslim women cover themselves from head to toe (by the way, that totally does not bother me – let them be already, what do you care, is my stance on that)… I felt that my particular topic was too deep, too wide, too all-encompassing. It would tread on many toes, it would offend many people who really are passionate about all the other things I have mentioned, it would offend other parents.  I deleted my first few attempts and, in frustration, I went to bed without a second thought. I just couldn’t do it. I would write about the next thing that bothers me about the world.

But I woke up today and felt that there was a reason why I had to share what I had to share. My mind defied me: So you tread on a few metaphorical toes and somehow those toes are worth saving from offence over bringing awareness to somebody out there about children suffering sexual abuse all over the world?



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